Allow me to Introduce Myself

You may have seen me around, you may have done a double take, you may even have known me long ago and now read what I write or post on my social network sites and are curious. Some of you talk behind my back, while smiling to my face, others are not so subtle and just come right out and say what they feel or think. Some of you feel sorry for me as soon as I explain why I don't work or have a permanent  handicap hanger on my rear view mirror. There are many of you who just look at me and think "you don't look sick" or "you're too young and pretty to suffer from such a chronic illnesses" or "oh it's just in your head, you just need some sun and exercise!" Just because you have seen me around, known me in the past, or are apart of my current support system it is extremely hard when you tell me "it could be worse!" Allow me to tell you what I hear from people who have "seen me around" and I can honestly say the whispers hurt just as bad.

I have dealt with discrimination most of my life, I started to suffer with depression in Jr. High and it affected me pretty bad in High School. My mood went up and down like a roller coaster and I am sure it didn't help I was in a very unhealthy relationship my Jr. and Senior year of high school, both emotionally and physically abusive. My emotions were out of control. After graduation I started my degree for medical assisting (my dream was to work in the medical field I was already working as a CNA). At 18 I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, I was devastated, but relieved at the same time. Finally after being on what seemed like every anti-depressant that was available at the time and it was only making me worse I finally had a diagnoses. However at this time Bipolar was still extremely stigmatized, hell it still is! People think everyone with Bipolar are going to go postal on everyone at any minute. In reality people who suffer from Bipolar, Major Depression, and other mental illnesses are a very low risk to others. They are more likely to harm themselves then to harm another person. Now there are people such as Narcissists who have no feelings or remorse towards others. This is a personality disorder where the person believes the world revolves around them. They lack empathy, are manipulative and demanding. People often confuse the mental illnesses because there is absolutely no awareness. So naturally I kept my mental illness to myself. It was hard for my parents to come to terms with. In fact until my mother moved to the Pacific Northwest and started working for a non-profit mental health organization she didn't recognize I had Bipolar. Don't get me wrong my parents have been wonderful, they have been there, supportive and have loved us unconditionally but mental health wasn't understood or talked about. But she came around, I believe everything happens for a reason and I believe she started working at the non-profit for a reason. It would prepare her for some of the biggest challenges that were coming in our near future. 

My life before December of 2012 had some difficult times which I will share here, it also had some wonderful times. Had I known that in a matter of 30 seconds on the night of December 19th 2012 that my entire life would never be the same, that I would be a completely different person, I would have never believed it. After fighting for so long, on March 10th 2016, three years 2 months and 19 days later close to 6pm my life changed again with a few sentences from a jury. Now I can honestly tell you that any piece of me that was left inside of the person I was prior to my accident died that day in the courtroom. A lot of this may not make sense right now, that's ok, as I continue on with my story it will make sense. 

I have decided to come forward with my story because it has changed me, it has robbed me of the person I once was. For a while I was not able to come forward with everything, but no longer, I am here to tell every single piece. I refuse to be silenced any longer, my story is my journey. These are the choices I had to make, the paths I had to choose and the Journey I am still on, you may not agree, but it's not your place. Never judge a situation you are not in. Please BE WARNED that there may be triggers for some people in my posts, I apologize in advance that is why I am warning you ahead of time. I also understand this may be hard for  people, especially family and friends to read, please also understand this is hard for me to write.  Please feel free to subscribe, either be email or feed. I would greatly appreciate your help in checking out The Butterfly Project (click the link at the bottom of this blog), These are Bracelets that help tell my story, they also help raise awareness and show support from others for the illnesses I suffer from. Money from the bracelets goes to research, and also will help me out with my medical bills. Thank you and Welcome to my Journey.

Butterfly Kisses, 

Kates Marie